On Writing

I have been trying all night to put down what is going through my head. All the emotions and thoughts. Instead I turned to music. I find solace in music. It can express what I am feeling but just can't seem to say.
For instance, I am falling so hard for someone and I feel that I shouldn't be. I told her, but now my heart is hurting so much. Like a lot of things I have done in the past I spoke before thinking. I know that I love her as much as I do D. I just want so much to be able to tell her the things I want to. To say the words that are in my heart for her. But I can't. I am afraid of being hurt, of hurting her by expressing my deepest feeling for her.
I want to be able to hold her when she is hurting, to celebrate with her when all is roses. To wipe away her tears when she is crying and to laugh with her until our sides hurt. To have little things that are just between us, little inside jokes and sayings. I want to protect her, to love her fully and without holding back. I don't like to hold back when I love. I love fiercely and deeply. So deeply at times it hurts. But the pain is a good and pleasurable pain.