This past week I have felt like a lost little girl. A little girl just wanting her Daddy. All because I know something is off with my body, but I just don't know what it is.
The doc's office just keeps giving me the run around. The doc doesn't answer me directly, and the nurse talks down to me like I am some child. I am getting sick of doctors and nurses thinking they know what is going on with my body better than me. I have only been living in it for 35 years.
The last time there was something wrong I told my doc all of my symptoms. All he did was dismiss what I thought it might be and sent me for a ridiculously expensive test when a cheaper one would have worked. He found something wrong, a small hernia located no where near where my pain was. He sent me to see a surgeon, she decided on the day of my initial appointment with me to not come back to the office after a surgery that day. Ok, no biggie right? I ended up in the ER not even 2 days later in such pain I could barely walk. Anyone that knows me knows that it takes a lot to make me cry from pain. The physician's assistant that saw me there sent me up for a simple (and a hell of a lot cheaper) ultrasound. Guess what, she found a golf ball sized hematoma. She called in and got me an appointment the next day with a cancer specialist. A week later I was having surgery to remove the tumor. It wasn't cancer, but it was exactly what I told my original doc what I thought it was. I have endometriosis.
So, you can imagine why after almost a month of a constant menstrual flow with large clots that I might be a bit concerned that something is wrong. It is causing me to be weak, pale, and tired all the time. I just want to find out why. Instead I am being talked to like I am a child and don't know anything. Even my Momma is concerned. I just want someone to listen. To actually hear me.
Oy. My Mom just went through a similar issue with her doctors. She twisted her ankle at the State fair last Aug and since then it has hurt her constantly. Swelling and what not. Every time she went to her doctor they told her she was simply over weight and it was stressing her arthritis in that leg, loose weight and take a load off. Finally last week she complained enough that she went to a bone specialist who did a series of xrays and an MRI. Guess what. Her ankle has been broken the whole time. Doctors don't always listen to their patients the way they should and it's ridiculous. how hard is it to order a simple ultrasound or an xray?
ReplyDeleteYou, Wendy B. and I need to get together for a drink and a pick you up session. When it comes to our doctors--we have been through the mill. I turn 60 in August. I will tell you... there is nothing wrong with telling your physician their responses are not compatible with your symptoms. It is imperative that you be proactive. It doesn't make you a bitch. It makes you in charge of your well being. I am glad that your doctor is going to try and get you taken care of. Keep at it. If a physican become condescending-- tell them... you are paying handsomely for their time... Me-- I get flustered and forget things I need to say... so I write down everything I need them to hear--type it up and hand it to them. I kind of keep them on track by asking them if we can address each issue. I make notes.
ReplyDeleteI had a hysterectomy when I was 31. That was before all the new treatments for uterine maladies. It was empowering to no longer be confined by and on-going bloody nightmare. They took out my uterus but left my ovaries... which meant... OMG! I still went through menopause. It started to surface when I was 34... I thought I was going crazy. At times I felt like a wild woman in my head. There were many times I felt like screaming inside. No one wanted to hear me... I did feel isolated, alone, taken for granted, emotionally lost. Being a women is a very thankless job. Motherhood, career woman, wife, giving it all, while not being spiritually fed--crying on the inside with a pasted smile on our faces. I am so thankful for my Wench sisters-- and the daily venting. It assures me that "we" are not in our life walk by ourselves. It used to grate me to the core when everyone around me was allowed to be angry, have a tempertantrum- tell lies and be forgiven-- lose their cool-- Except for me. Girlfriend, you are entitled to be yourself. You are entitled to do whatever you need to do to enable yourself--allow yourself happiness.
One day I sat my kids down and handed them my paycheck. I then handed them all the bills. That was the smartest thing I ever did. They started viewing their wants as to how many hours of work it took to buy "things." Taking care of everyones emotions, needs and wants--is exhausting. I finally asked my family to give me a vacation...
I have 1 daughter with ADD, the other has ADHA. Getting the school, teacher and physicians, and most of all "Daddy" on board for consistency in modifications was an enormous task... I do recall a lot of yelling, crying, and feeling frustrated with their systems--but they didn't have to be responsible for my children. The only one to bail was Dad... to his sweet uncomplicated, no responsible life... it screwed up my kids bad... and me too. He ran off with the ugliest-uneducated woman I've ever encountered... and it totally smashed my self-esteem. However, I was also hell bent that she would never had the opportunity to raise my kids... from that I drew strength. As they got older--they learn the real personality of their Dad. I always told them-- I love you no matter what! They are both grown with families of their own now. I am very proud of both of them and their choice of spouses... unfortunately, they know what a bad choice is. It's survivable-- I've heard a lot of phrases about forgiving yourself... I don't believe that. Why should someone forgive themselves when they aren't the problem. Call it like you see it-- sometimes we see good in people who turn out to be losers. The loser is going to be that way no matter who they are around.
You, my dear, are a gorgeous, loving, caring woman, who loves her family and friends. You are priceless. I wish I lived closer to you. I would stop by and give you a hug, fill you full of wine and help you have a good cry. I'm here for you... as are the rest of the sisters who have/are where you are in your life. Wishing you good things, always--Emily aka Shyanwench.
I know EXACTLY how you feel! After battling pretty much the exact same situation as you did I finally found a doc who listened and recommended a hysterectomy. I was in so much pain, I wasn't thinking clearly and agreed. I was 28. It didn't fix the problem and now no one will help me because I had a hyster and SHOULDN'T be having these issues. It sucks. :( I'm sorry, Kim. :(
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